The fact that we seem to be having a ‘toss-off’ of a lesson in media (not that I’m complaining, I’ve pretty much done all that is needed of me) I’ve decided to like, feel that I’m actually talking to someone, I’m aware that hardly anyone, if anyone reads this, which doesn’t bother me in the slightest – the thought comforts me.

I wish when I was near Simon, he’d either punch me in the face, spit at it and tell me he hates me, or hold me close, kiss me and tell me he loves me. I hate this whole ‘middle-ground’ cr*p... I’d just given him a Christmas card before I left Art-club, a card with an envelope that pretty much got bastardised by acrylic paint. Nicola and I decided it’d be fun and gave us something to do, perhaps he found it funny inside. Or perhaps he found me a f*cking moron. I wrote the contents of the card at Emma’s house on Sunday, but I wrote a P.S that read something along the lines ‘I’ll love you forever – but I’m no angel’. The angel reference was from long before we got together, when he fancied me and I fond out whilst we were passing notes, I wrote back saying to him ‘I’m not angel’ and he replied ‘You may not be an angel but you’ve got the face of one’ my cheeks lit up pink and I punch him in the arm.

Alas, our time had come that I managed to f*ck up the only decent thing that happened to me in a long time, I broke up with him because I thought I was doing the right thing, now here I am – alone – wanting him back so badly, but due to rumors and a march-troop on his pride, he pretty much wants nothing to do with me like that anymore. I mean, He’ll talk to me if I talk to him first but other then that I get nothing. Who would blame him, people have told him that I was going to leave him after secondary and go out with some other lad once at college. I haven’t had chance to clarify the truth with him on that but it’s coming to the point were I really, really don’t see any point of it anymore.

My advent always seems to suck balls, I can’t remember what happened last advent but that sucked balls too. Nothing has managed to suck balls as hard as this, I love him, I love him so much but I’ve messed up my one and only chance with him. Urgh! I hate myself for it, I really, really do. I couldn’t be bothered to eat at dinner time, ‘coz thinking about him made my chest feel all airy and my nerves wouldn’t let anything go down my throat. So there was no point trying. I’ve tried everything to get him back, mind you it’s only been a week. I’ve tried being all emo, I’ve tried talking to him, I’ve tried being nice to him, I’ve tried writing a letter. I had already bought him a Christmas present for him before all this cr*p happened, I think I’m going to give it him on Tuesday or Wednesday, It nice and a lot more personal then “TRANSFORMERS 2” which I didn’t know if he liked, it just felt boyish.

Anyway, I’m not feeling the Christmas spirit. All I’m feeling is heartache. All of it’s my fau—wait, no it isn’t. A lot was contributed by sh*it-stirrers.

Perhaps I should go and like...Die in a whole or something.

Simon wouldn’t care.

It's early in the morning (10:17am) and I'm still in my PJ's coz I gotta go into the shower.  I smell. Bad.

and that's no joke.

Where have I been? Why have I not been posting? Mainly due to the fact I kept putting postings off for a while, until it came to the point I also came to busy and was out of the habbit of posting. My mock exams shall be starting soon, and I have  a module 3 maths test this coming Friday that I am doing bucket loads of revision for, that generally sucks.

Some how, Simon and I are still together, soon it shall be 7 months. Doesn't look that long when I type it down to be honest. I'm more the one chasing HIM around now......oh well. Love is love..and falling in love is great.

Being in love sucks.

Eh.

Later. I seem a bit to emo in this journal.
 

Taking up this opportunity of my last half hour of the school day to update my journal which has not been done since the day before Simon asked me out (ho-shit) the whole shenanigan was crammed with full-hearted duets and hour long monologues but that is for another time…

So much shit has happened since my last entry that I have decided just to continue the entry as normal, instead of back-tracking and taking forever.

Simon has been grounded again, and in about a weeks time I will be cruising with the Swiss family mad somewhere near Spain and Greece, The day after I leave will be our 2 months of being together.

School is breaking up for the summer next week, but in recent years I tend not to think about it and let it come at it’s own pace so it’s a nice surprise when it finally pops up and says “Hey bitch! You don’t need to go to school for seven weeks now, fuck outta this school and lay around for 7 weeks on your bed being bored,” but in a bit of a nicer tone.

I am not to fond of the idea of year 11, as though I will be in the oldest year of the school it also means I will be crammed down with exams, something I am not looking forward too.

Beth X

I don't know how the weathers gonna turn, but hopefully for the better.

I'll bring PHOTOS

Friday! FridayFridayFriday. Thank you world, you've turned today friday.It's rainy and yucky and grey outside, but it's friday so i'm happy never-the-less. It may mean that no one will show at Flamingo Land and me and my buddies'll have it all to ourselves, Hur-ah and Hoo-ray.


Todays been...Different...well at first in maths simon said he had something to show me (Oo-er) and when I finally convinced him to show me then and not in art-club he revealed this pink fluffy pig toy, and i said "Is that for me!?" and he said "No"
"ffft. is that for Emma?"
"Well she wanted a pig"
OKAY. so the story goes is that in Art-club in the power infested in me I wed Emma and Simon, and Emma stated that she wanted her wedding present to be a pig, and at the end of the week (I.E Today) he got her a pig toy. It was adorable, sweet and cute
"How come I dont get anything???"
"I'm crap at buying gifts, I didn't know what to get you," (This is the guy who supposedly is deeply in love with me too, and he bought my best friend a present. Ah logic - are you on holiday?)
So I gave him the cold shoulder and nostrills of disaproval all during art-club (were I live at dinnertime), until I got bored and started talking to him again once he begged for forgiveness (well he didn't verbally beg, but I bet he wanted me to stop jabbing his side with a pair of sciccors and painting on her arm and face).

Later within artclub, after i had forgiven him for his sins, (oh and by the way, Emma is ill today, so he couldn't give her the Godforsaken pig) we were in miss Cables room alone, basically I wanted to be with him alonish, I knew he was in the art-cubpard so I said that I was 'going to find something'.
Then he says "Do you think I should have a pony tail?"
I quirked a mad look at him, my hair is cropped and short, though it needs cutting and has something similar to a rat-tail at the back. "Are you trying to copy me or something!?"
But he was generally being serious, the guy wants a pony tail, the world is coming to and end, his hair isn't even long enough for that yet, it'll take to christmas. And by this point I realised that he'd look like "Guybrush" from Monkey Island 3, but not gingery-blonde,  Guybrush used to look like this, in 1 and 2, but in the 3rd game (who simon'll look like) he looks like this,


 

Today Is a painful day. My gut hurts, and so does my back, I'm over-heated. and I have a biology exam in a few hours. I feel very groggy.
Though I have finished my Mask project at colleage at last. So I am happy never the less - sorta. Kinda.
_______________

*~at home. teatime~*

Survived the test, which was pretty easy to be honest. It was a 40 minute test and I completed it within about 15 minutes, so i decieded to draw up my arm for the rest of the time. 
Emma went home ill today, so it was only Me, Abby, and simon in Artclub, along with some others who occasionally pop in, Mr.Morris was on his prowl again, insulting Simon for his entertainment by calling him gay, It's quite amusing to watch actually.
Abby, I, and a year 11 girl who's on school leave but popped into see us anyway but her name escapes me, had a disussion about gays and lesbians, because our year 11 friend mentioned that when she told her mother that Bryone was lesbian (one of our other year 11 friends) she flipped, though before hand when she had told her mother that George was gay, her mother was perfectly fine with it. 
Odd isn't it.
I'd hope that if I came out to my mother that I wasn't straight, that she'd be okay with it. My mother seems to be perfectly fine with people with different sexual oritentation anyway.
Simon felt uncomfortable talking about gays, so I talked about lesbians instead, just to get him more embarresed.
I love embarresing him. It's a new hobbie of mine. I do it to zay a lot. 

OH YEAH. I'm actually supposed to be revising right now, so with any luck my dad and brother will think this loud typing is CHEMISTRY-ENHANCED-ENTHUSIAM, or what not.
hurrmmm. 

The methods used in farming affects different groups of people in different ways. Some may benefit from a particular course of action, while others may not. Here are two examples.

The use of intensive farming leads to the production of large amounts of relatively cheap food. This benefits the people who buy this food, particularly the large populations who live in towns. But the use of synthetic fertilisers and pesticides may damage the environment. This may have a bad effect on the lives of some people, particularly those who live in the countryside.

Dinner time.

___________________

*~After school~*

Here I am, Sat at Emma's laptop. drinking tea, and now prolly to full to have my own dinner when I have to go home in an hours times.
I'm afraid that in Art-club i'm now Mr.Morris' slave to get his meals from the dinner-hall, When i don't even understand how you work the dinner-hall anymore, considering I havn't used my dinner card since I was about 13. So I'll have to bring Simon or Emma with me, whoever I can mosoon first.
Though I'll usually just get Simon to do my evil deeds for me, as he loves me dearly - so he says, Nyaharhar~
It's sweet though, he's like a puppy. A two-toned voiced puppy.

I spent all of my biology-double daydreaming and drawing clouds in babyblue stabilo fine-liner today, it was more amusing then Huntingsons disease, Dawrin, and Pathoygens.
I have a test tommorow, I wonder how it'll go. I'm fairly confident, It's Chemistry and Physics that I'm not confident in.